Sleepless Night

I can't believe I'm still up... Well, yeah I can. I drank an energy coffee drink too late in the day because I was exhausted, and now I can't get to sleep. I also have to go to the gym in the morning. I'm starting to feel a little tired though. It only took about 3 hours of lying in bed and deciding to be really weird and look up people on google.  And now here I am posting in my blog I so rarely update. Perhaps I should use it more often, and write more meaningful things. But now of course is not the time for that. Now is the time for sleep. I hope to have good dreams tonight and that I don't oversleep. Perhaps next time I'll update what I've been doing in life and where I feel I'm going.

Goodnight <3

I feel like I might die (in a good way) every time I see you

Sometimes I wonder if I'm putting too much effort into building a relationship with someone. I feel like I put more work in than they produce. Could I just be overdoing it? Should I back off and not talk to them for a few days to a week or something like that? I don't want to smother them or anything, but I want to badly to spend time with this person and to get to know them. I feel like I'm constantly fighting myself to not call or text this person everyday. I always tell myself I should go with the flow, but I eventually ignore it and just want to know where I stand with the person. I haven't gotten too impatient yet, but I feel like I'm going to very soon and I want to stop this behavior.

If you haven't figured it out yet, there is a new boy that I'm interested in, and I'm so afraid of messing it up I feel like I'll mess it up trying to prevent messing it up. I really don't want to mess it up, but I don't know what I do wrong to begin with. A few of my friends say that I'm too honest and say too much in the beginning. Maybe that's all it is, because I know that I can be straight forward and most people don't know how to handle it. Plus the things I say can just be straight up weird or gross. Honesty: the thing people only pretend to want.

I'm so tired... maybe I should go to bed early tonight.

I cried for a moment today and I have no clue to why. I'm not feeling all that sad, but I feel like I'm might have been if I didn't cry. Weird huh?

Anyways, I've been procrastinating a lot lately. I need to get focused and work on my comic, clean my house and put my laundry away. I have a busy day tomorrow, so it may not be the best time to start on all of that, but I still don't know how the day will end up. Perhaps things will get cancelled. It is supposed to be really humid and hot tomorrow. And outside labor is not recommended. So maybe walking around the lake might not happen. I'm still going to see a movie with Mike after I get back from the gym. I should call my landlord actually. >.>

My comic book isn't moving at all. I haven't thought of anything new to write for it or found the motivation to draw. I feel like I'm unwillingly giving up on it. I just need to keep it in the back of my mind at the very least and then it will never die. Right? Perhaps I'll be able to do a little something for it tonight.

I've been thinking about the 70s a lot since I watched Important Things With Dimitri Martin. Awesome show. Anyways, I think I'm going to make it a goal of mine to acquire at least 5 pairs of bell bottom jeans once I lose the weight I want to get rid of. :) Yep, I have clothing goals. I also want some cute sundresses and new shoes. So let's do this! I feel like dancing right now.

PS, Blake Anderson & Dimitri Martin, You Rule!

Dear Life,

So many things are going on these days. I hope that it slows down a bit for a little while. I just need a little time to figure things out and try to see where I'm going. So please, help me figure things out by backing off a bit. <3 Kelsey

So I was having a pretty decent day until I got home. I'm not sure what put me in this mood. Whether it be me getting ditched by the guy I like, or just the lingering feeling of being lonely even though people are around. I should talk to someone about it, but I wouldn't know where to start. Maybe I'll feel better if I clean my room. It's so cluttered, and my mom always says "A cluttered room = a cluttered life." Maybe she's right about that. But it's not like I can keep my room clean for more than a day anyways.

I'm stressed out about money. I feel like school is becoming even more distant than it was 3 months ago. *sigh* I don't know what to do anymore.

Alone with company

Sometimes I feel more alone when with friends than when no one is around. I don't know what to do about it either. Should I say I feel like I'm left out in every activity? These are supposed to be my best friends but I feel like no one every wants to actually hang out with me, just each other and I just happen to be there...

New Beginnings

I've always had trouble keeping up with blogs, but I thought I would give it a try again. There have been too many times where I haven't said what was on my mind where it could have changed things drastically for me. I'm still growing and learning new things and should express the way I feel about the new things that come to me.

I've messed up recently. At least that is how I've seen it. I broke off a friendship with someone that I know that I shouldn't be friends with but I can't help but miss her. She thinks I'm the source of most of our drama. Drama is generated on both sides and I take responsibility for my part in it. I want her to understand that and maybe one day she will.

I know she has a lot of growing up to do and so do I and the time that it takes for us to come to an understanding will most likely be wasted. However I think it is something that must happen.

But I  hope to one day move on as I am growing from the experience.

Live love in everything you do because you never know when you will die.